Monorail: Once again, a viable alternative

I've been on this Monorail kick lately, ever since I boarded the crazy trian for a ride during CES as couple of weeks ago. I noted then that the Monorail was not a bad way to move up and down Paradise to the Hilton and Las Vegas Convention Center and along the east side of the Strip.

I later found that locals are offered tickets at a reduced rate of $1 for one-way trips at the Sahara and MGM customer service booths.

Then, a Monorail spokeswoman sent a note stressing that the Monorail was a particularly convenient way to travel to and from the MGM for big events at the Grand Garden Arena. Really? I said. Better than, say, the KatMobile? But anyone who has attempted to check into valet at the MGM or park in the hotel's Fortress of Vehicles -- which I think has its own school district -- on event nights would probably try Plan B, even if Plan B means valeting at Hooters and hoofing it across Tropicana Avenue. I doubt Bruce Woodbury, the former Clark County commissioner rumored to be joining the Monorail board, would stoop to such methods.

Nor would I. Not tonight. But for UFC 94, I put the Monorail to a real-time test. I parked at the Sahara and, at this writing, am spitting distance from the octagon (I just made sure of that). Here's how it shook out:

5 p.m.: I pull into a third-floor parking slot at the Sahara, walk down the garage stairs, across the valet parking arean through the Monorail entrance and across the walking bridge to the Monorail station.

5:10 p.m.: I hand the woman at the counter my valid Nevada driver's license and Archie Press Club card (which she didn't need) and $2. She jottted down my full name on a sheet showing a bunch of other names and handed me two tickets.

5:13 p.m.: Monorail trains arrive every six minutes, and I board with six other passengers. Yes, I am thinking Gilligan's Island.

5:15 p.m.: Las Vegas Hilton stop. One passenger on, and someone needs to update the Monorail's audio tour guide's reference to the Star Trek Experience at the Hilton before the long-closed attraction reopens at Neonopolis. But I think a Ferengi just sat down next to me ...

5:17 p.m.: Las Vegas Convention Center stop. Did you know that if the current population trends in Las Vegas continue, by 2130 there will be a trillion people living here? I think that's what the tour guide just claimed. If true, that means in 2130 there will be 6,000 Cirque shows on the Strip.

5:24: Flamingo-Imperial Palace stop. I notice a design flaw in the Monorail interior: The benches in the back don't allow enough leg room for the passengers sitting next to the seats running along the sides. If the Monorail ever starts filling its cars consistently, look for complaints about that. Four passengers board for a total of 12.

5:26 p.m.: Paris-Bally's stop. Two passengers off, four passengers board -- and they are all mimes!

5:29 p.m.: MGM stop. I step off with a guy visiting from Seattle who is staying in a suite at the MGM Signature towers. He bought a three-day pass for $24. When he visits Vegas, he takes the Monorail up and down the Strip -- and $24 in cab fare will barely get you from the MGM to New York-New York.

5:30 p.m.: I arrive at the MGM Grand Garden Arena entrance. The Monorail station dumps passengers onto the Casino Walk. You don't have to deal with the long walk across the casino floor to the arena, which is about the same distance as the annual downtown Great Santa Run.

So, 30 minutes, from there to here, and the ride is not bad. It has its limits, of course -- its lack of speed is really tedious when you are actually trying to get to a hotel at a specific time. But plan for it, and the crazy train has merit.

I can't believe I'm saying it, either ...