FADE IN:
THE WHITE HOUSE. ABOUT 2:30 A.M. PRESIDENTIAL SLEEPING QUARTERS. George W. and Laura Bush are in bed, she asleep, he propped up, reading Field and Stream.
Suddenly there's a flash of light, and a man appears. It's JOHN F. KENNEDY, looking not a day older than 46 years.
BUSH: What the … (
rubbing eyes). What's going on?
KENNEDY: I made it! The space-time continuum really works!
BUSH: Jack Kennedy, our 17th President? Wow!
KENNEDY: And if my calculations are correct, this is Nov. 20, 1993. And you're Bill Clinton!
LAURA BUSH (
drowsily): What's going on, dear? Is Rumsfeld drunk again?
BUSH (
whispering): It's John F. Kennedy. He thinks I'm Clinton.
LAURA: Of course, dear. Don't we all. (
Turns over, goes back to sleep).
KENNEDY: I suppose you're wondering why I've come to you like this.
BUSH: Umm, well …
KENNEDY: You were with the American Legion Boys Nation, and we shook hands in the Rose Garden. July, 1963. You thought I had forgotten, did you?
BUSH: Ah, well, I think there's been a mistake. Um …
KENNEDY: Oh, come on, Bill. Even though you were only 16, I saw that you had a spark; I can tell a future leader a mile away. I thought you'd be President one day, and as we see, I was right.
BUSH: You see Mr. Kennedy, I think you have me mixed up with … um, a spark, did you say?
KENNEDY: Let's get down to business, Bill. I have only a few moments here in the future, and there are many things I need to discuss with you. My days on earth in my time are limited, I fear. So the fate of the nation, indeed that of the free world, may depend on what we discuss here tonight.
BUSH: Okey-doke.
KENNEDY: Aren't you going to take notes?
BUSH: Ah, yeah. (
Fumbles in bureau drawer). Here we go. (
Produces Donald Duck Disneyland pen and a notepad).
KENNEDY: OK, checklist. How is Project Apollo proceeding?
BUSH: Er … (
taps notepad with pen).
KENNEDY: Did we get to the moon within the decade?
BUSH (
brightens): Yes!
KENNEDY: And Mars? When did man reach Mars?
BUSH: Ah …
KENNEDY: Colonies on the moon? Populated multinational space stations? A thriving, vibrant NASA?
BUSH (
Blank look.)
KENNEDY: Damn it, Clinton! The space program is the most important component of the New Frontier! What have you people been doing for the past 30 years?
BUSH (
thoughtfully): We have cable TV.
KENNEDY: OK, improvement in education and employment. How are we doing there?
BUSH (
Stares at ceiling. Whistles softly).
KENNEDY: Jesus Christ. Don't tell me you let the federal budget deficit get out of hand.
BUSH: Just a little.
KENNEDY: Idiot! You cut taxes for the wealthiest Americans, didn't you?
BUSH (
Looks down, sadly).
KENNEDY: OK, OK. We can still salvage this. What's the status of the threat of Communism?
BUSH: Gone. Now there's the threat of Islamic extremism.
KENNEDY: Of what?
BUSH: Um, we're at war with Iraq.
KENNEDY (
Slaps hand to forehead).
BUSH: Also, France and Germany hate us.
KENNEDY: Damn it! Ich Bein Ein Berliner! My most famous speech on foreign shores! (
Approaches Bush, grabs him by pajama lapels and shakes him vigorously).
LAURA BUSH (
Sleepily): Knock it off, Romeo. You know the rules—only when you're wearing the flight suit.
KENNEDY (
Sits on edge of bed, defeated): We had such plans for America. But the "greatest and most honorable adventure" is no more. Surely, Camelot is dead. Damn it!
FLASH OF LIGHT, KENNEDY IS GONE.
BUSH (
shaking Laura): Wake up, Laura! You'll never guess what just happened!
LAURA (
half asleep): We lost? Al Gore is President? Thank Jesus!
BUSH (
proudly): Jack Kennedy said I had a spark!
LAURA BUSH BURIES HEAD UNDER PILLOW. SUDDENLY, THE BEDROOM DOOR FLINGS OPEN AND AN INEBRIATED DONALD RUMSFELD STUMBLES INTO THE ROOM AND PASSES OUT ON THE FLOOR AS WE FADE.