Political Fun for a Scandalized City

Dear Jack Galardi:

Now that team G-Sting's in prison, your ___________(adjective) son, Michael, can't take care of them like he promised, and they need a new dude. Here's a wish list we've compiled for them.

For Erin Kenny, a county-issued cell phone so that she can swindle ___________(group of sweet old people) or beg for ___________(synonym for cash). Also, Ms. Kenny has expressed interest in helping _________________(a local developer) build a ________________(type of structure) on cellblock F, and will need ________(number) of cigarettes to begin courting votes.

Dario is curled up in his cell muttering, "This is not a bachelor pad-ad-ad." Perhaps some ___________________________(brand name anti-depressants) or a life-sized poster of himself and ___________(a celebrity) would be in order; nudity is optional, but preferred.

Mary Kincaid-Chauncey has risen to a position of leadership in her cellblock, although she denies any involvement in prison politics whatsoever. She says she's willing to step down as cellblock leader, but not because she's guilty, just so that the ________________(negative adjective) media doesn't get the wrong idea. She has a Mary K tattooed on her _________(body part) and growls _____________(exclamation!) in her sleep. She was last heard saying, "Could some of you superfluous prison guards help me relocate my ___________(adjective) flower shop?"

Former cop Lance Malone is having the hardest time adjusting. __________(prison joke). The book Chicken Soup for the Prisoner's Soul might be a nice diversion. Or How to Score A Post-Prison Gig Lobbying for the ___________(shady industry) might also cheer him up.

Your son, Mike, could use some _____________________(brand name lotion). After greasing so many palms for so long, his hands are feeling ___________(adjective) and cracked. Plus, the market value of lotion runs pretty high in the big house.

Signed,

Rick and Sandy

SOLUTIONS:
1) Hair is different.
2) Glasses are different.
3) Shrubs in second panel.
4) In first panel, tie is black; in second, it's midnight blue.
5) In first panel, it's Thursday; in second, Monday.
6) In second panel, he's hungry.

For a clear picture of the city's Ethics Commission's activities

1) What did Erin Kenny wave in the faces of fellow commisioners in 1996?

2) What's the best position to be in when begging for illegal bribes?

3) Who gushed, "Oh my gosh, really? They indicited me? I'm surprised. I can't imagine what they're indicting me on," when brought up on charges of wire fraud, conspiracy to commit wire fraud and extortion?

4) What industry did former Commmissioner Lance Malone once complain attracted criminals?

5) What's a Kincaid-Chauncey U.S. Olympic Ski Team fund-raiser?

6) Who once said: "Everyone knows our safety isn't enhanced because of cellular phones. If you think our safety is enhanced by cellular phones, raise your hand"?

7) Who should've never left her job as a waitress at the Imperial Palace?

8) What did Lance Malone call the media's stories of his participation in payoffs, before tapes were released detailing his participation in payoffs?

9) What important public works did Mary Kincaid-Chauncey use devoted public employees for?

10) Which suave, star-is-born policitican stuttered, "That's, that's, that's huge," when negotiating to get $20,000 from a strip club owner?

11) How long has Galardi allegedly been paying off public officials?

12) Which elected official attempted to start a private online business that would charge a fee for the public records she oversees?

13) What does County Recorder Frances Deane have in common with Assemblyman Wendell Williams?

14) Who, straight-faced, said the following, when it was discovered that he voted to award a lucrative contract to a friend of his wife: "I didn't know it was that Gay Reber."

15) Who did County Recorder Frances Deane consult with before running for office and planting different lies with different employees to test their loyalty?

1) Flagrant disrespect ... and pom-poms!
2) "Tell me what I've got to do, but I've gotta have money from him. ... I'm begging now. ... I'm on my knees begging." —Erin Kenny.
3) Mary Kincaid-Chauncey.
4) Strip clubs, his future employer.
5) Charity lap dancing!
6) Hint: It's the same commissioner who, two years earlier, wracked up a $4,242 bill on her G.I. cell phone: Erin Kenny.
7) Erin Kenny, again!
8) "Outlandish reports!"
9) Relocating her flower shop!
10) Dario Herrera.
11) Since at least 1994.
12) County recorder Frances Deane.
13) Both have driven with suspended drivers licenses.
14) Lance Malone.
15) A psychic, of course!

Wendell Williams

Ethics Commission

"We have to do what we can for people to have more faith in our government." (Rory Reid)

1. Adore Harrier ----- -------

2. Anal elm cone ----- ------

3. Age arid milk ---- -------

4. Reek ninny ---- -----

5. Dinky-hymn cure acacia ---- ------- -------

PUZZLE: The opposite of dirty. -----

SOLUTIONS:
1) Dario Herrera
2) Lance Malone
3) Mike Galardi
4) Erin Kenny
5) Mary Kincaid-Chauncey

PUZZLE: Clean

Cross out the X's, Z's and W's to see what really motivates our elected officials.

SOLUTION: SCRATCH

5 Down:
Good mother:


LAP DANCE PROCURER

6 Across:
Describes local ethics:


LEAVE BLANK

18 Across:  
Herrera's future:


LEAVE BLANK

27 Down:  
Liar, Cheater,____.:


COMMISSIONER

29 Down:  
Works twice as hard for you:


DOUBLE DIPS

48 Down:
Had us fooled:


ARBERRY

49 Across:
Had herself fooled:


KINCAID CHAUNCEY

52 Down:
Had nobody fooled:


KENNY

56 Across:
a.k.a. Clark County:


GALARDI TOWN

58 Across:
Loves the shift in media attention:


MONCRIEF

60 Down:
Michael Mack____:


SKATES

Help Michael Galardi find influence at the Clark County Government Center!

Discarded game ideas: Pin Some Tail on Dario. Hungry, Hungry Erin. Help Yourself to Some Public Money, Wendell! Naked Twister.

* All allegations alleged!